Archive | December, 2010

The Neverending Nutrisystem (ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh….)

29 Dec

That’s a reference to The Neverending Story theme song by the way, in case you were born after the 80s.

Anywho, so I decided to try Nutrisystem this fall. My thinking then:

  • Marie Osmond is a Mormon weirdo, but – hey – she lost 40 pounds! I don’t have to worry about Mormon stuff, so it’ll be even easier for me to lose 40 pounds. (Hey, I drink wine every once and a…well…all the time. It seemed like a legit argument at the time.)
  • Wow – I’ll spend less on food than what I do now!
  • Wow – I won’t have to think about what to cook/eat more than picking a package out of a box!

So now I have 5 kajillion color-coded packages of food-esque substances in a box in my cubicle at work. Like this, but still in the box:

Nutrisystem: the Un-Food

I’m pretty sure these “foods” are made from demo-ed building debris, left-over printer toner and the classic shoe leather. Low-lights include a parmesan pasta that tasted like the liquid version of glue and a turkey hot dog that I was too scared to even take out of the package.

It wasn’t all bad though: the Nutrifolks make fairly decent instant cheesy mashed potatoes and meal bars…but it’s no way to live.

I am continuing to eat these abominations for breakfast and lunch, but I figure I won’t get through the supply until early 2013 or so. I can only hope that we have an earthquake and the people in my office have to eat the Nutricrap to survive. (Bonus: I’ll be a hero. Yayyyyyyy….) Or perhaps I will grind it all up and use it to stucco my walls. Haven’t decided yet.

Namaste bitches!

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Face-with-a-double-chin-book

28 Dec

Sweatband Champion is on Facebook. You know what to do.

Food babies, sumo-suit-itis & other things

28 Dec

Well hey all! How’ve ya been? Me = no excuse for not keeping in touch/not doing toe-touches…but let’s move on, shall we?

Things that I feel like:

  • Perpetual…food…baby….
  • Did I just wash these pants? God I wish I just washed these pants…sooooo tiiiiiiight….
  • Death to second helpings! No: torture and death to second helpings! Nawwww…it was worth it. We good, second helpings…we good…especially you, Ham. But I may need my space for a while here.
  • Is it inappropriate to wear pajama pants to work this week in between Xmas and New Year’s?
  • Sumo-suit-itis is a real thing. I am starting a charity for sumo-suit-itis research this year.

Sumo-suit-itis...a real infliction

Anywho…Sweatband Champion is mobilizing to bring you some fabulous new posts (as soon as I get this week’s vid pic in the mail) so we can share in the misery of the holiday hangover! I’m also planning on adding in a few side features to attempt to do other things healthy people do, including a recap of my fall foray into the world of Nutrisystem. It will no doubt be glorious.

As always, I take video requests (provided I can Netflix them), so lemme have it!

In the meantime, Happy New Year! Maybe I’ll see you on the final-push, 2010 binge circuit….

Namaste bitches!