Archive | December, 2010

The Neverending Nutrisystem (ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh ah ah ahhh….)

29 Dec

That’s a reference to The Neverending Story theme song by the way, in case you were born after the 80s.

Anywho, so I decided to try Nutrisystem this fall. My thinking then:

  • Marie Osmond is a Mormon weirdo, but – hey – she lost 40 pounds! I don’t have to worry about Mormon stuff, so it’ll be even easier for me to lose 40 pounds. (Hey, I drink wine every once and a…well…all the time. It seemed like a legit argument at the time.)
  • Wow – I’ll spend less on food than what I do now!
  • Wow – I won’t have to think about what to cook/eat more than picking a package out of a box!

So now I have 5 kajillion color-coded packages of food-esque substances in a box in my cubicle at work. Like this, but still in the box:

Nutrisystem: the Un-Food

I’m pretty sure these “foods” are made from demo-ed building debris, left-over printer toner and the classic shoe leather. Low-lights include a parmesan pasta that tasted like the liquid version of glue and a turkey hot dog that I was too scared to even take out of the package.

It wasn’t all bad though: the Nutrifolks make fairly decent instant cheesy mashed potatoes and meal bars…but it’s no way to live.

I am continuing to eat these abominations for breakfast and lunch, but I figure I won’t get through the supply until early 2013 or so. I can only hope that we have an earthquake and the people in my office have to eat the Nutricrap to survive. (Bonus: I’ll be a hero. Yayyyyyyy….) Or perhaps I will grind it all up and use it to stucco my walls. Haven’t decided yet.

Namaste bitches!



28 Dec

Sweatband Champion is on Facebook. You know what to do.

Food babies, sumo-suit-itis & other things

28 Dec

Well hey all! How’ve ya been? Me = no excuse for not keeping in touch/not doing toe-touches…but let’s move on, shall we?

Things that I feel like:

  • Perpetual…food…baby….
  • Did I just wash these pants? God I wish I just washed these pants…sooooo tiiiiiiight….
  • Death to second helpings! No: torture and death to second helpings! Nawwww…it was worth it. We good, second helpings…we good…especially you, Ham. But I may need my space for a while here.
  • Is it inappropriate to wear pajama pants to work this week in between Xmas and New Year’s?
  • Sumo-suit-itis is a real thing. I am starting a charity for sumo-suit-itis research this year.

Sumo-suit-itis...a real infliction

Anywho…Sweatband Champion is mobilizing to bring you some fabulous new posts (as soon as I get this week’s vid pic in the mail) so we can share in the misery of the holiday hangover! I’m also planning on adding in a few side features to attempt to do other things healthy people do, including a recap of my fall foray into the world of Nutrisystem. It will no doubt be glorious.

As always, I take video requests (provided I can Netflix them), so lemme have it!

In the meantime, Happy New Year! Maybe I’ll see you on the final-push, 2010 binge circuit….

Namaste bitches!